Dear Salary . . .

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FAQ – India

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the world outside its borders. Read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways or rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful country.

This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who demonstrate tolerance and excellent sense of humor.

Q:   Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A:   We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q :  Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A:   Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:   I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A:   Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:   Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A:   So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:   Are there any ATMs India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A:   What did your last slave die of?

Q:   Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? (USA )
A:   A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q:   Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A:   Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q:   Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A:   Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:   Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A:   Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it.  Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q:   Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A:   You’re a British politician, right?

Q:   Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A:   No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:   Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A:   Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:   Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A:   No, WE don’t stink in India.

Q:   I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? (USA)
A:   Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:   Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? (France)
A:   Only at Christmas.

Q:   Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:   Yes, but you will have to learn it first

Q:   Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A:   As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night.

Q:   Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A:   No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

Oxymorons….;)

An oxymoron is usually defined as “A phrase in which two words having  contradictory meanings are brought together“…

  1. Clearly misunderstood
  2. Exact Estimate
  3. Small Crowd
  4. Act Naturally
  5. Found Missing
  6. Fully Empty
  7. Pretty ugly
  8. Seriously funny
  9. Only choice
  10. Original copies

And…….

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11) Happily Married

BEING IN TWENTIES – SOMETHING

I considered this mail as just another forward till i read it. Worth a read atleast once.. What do u say ??

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you’re doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.”

Send this to your twenty-something friends… maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion…


FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES…..HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS

New Professional Management FUNDAS

Some of the modern day meanings of replies you might get from your management. Nice One ! Enjoy 🙂

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will
talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually
fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help
you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you
where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything
about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Too good catch lines..

# Sign on a railway station at Patna:

Aana free, jaana free,

pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:

Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.

She may be your grandmother!

# Seen on a bulletin board:

Success is relative

More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:

we need your heads to run our business.

# A traffic slogan:

Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they never will be…..

#THE BEST ONE:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations

It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.”

–        Indian Armed Forces

WORDS OF WISDOM

1. IN A DAY, WHEN YOU DON’T COME ACROSS ANY PROBLEMS – YOU CAN BE SURE

THAT YOU ARE TRAVELLING IN A WRONG PATH
-SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

2. 3 SENTENCES FOR GETTING SUCCESS
A) KNOW MORE THAN OTHER
B) WORK MORE THAN OTHER
C) EXPECT LESS THAN OTHER
– WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

3.IF YOU WIN YOU NEED NOT EXPLAIN … BUT IF YOU LOSE YOU SHOULD NOT BE
THERE TO EXPLAIN
– ADOLPH HITLER

4. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE IN THIS WORLD .IF YOU DO SO, YOU
ARE INSULTING YOURSELF
– ALEN STRIKE

5. IF WE CANNOT LOVE THE PERSON WHOM WE SEE, HOW CAN WE LOVE GOD, WHOM
WE CANNOT SEE ?
– MOTHER THERESA


6. NO MAN IS RICH ENOUGH TO BUY HIS PAST – –
— OSCAR WILDE

7. IF YOU WANT REAL PEACE DON’T TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS , TALK WITH YOUR
ENEMIES – – –
– MOTHER THERESA

8.WINNING DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN BEING FIRST , WINNING MEANS YOU’RE DOING
BETTER THAN YOU’VE DONE BEFORE – – –
-BONNIE BLAIR
9. EVERYONE THINKS OF CHANGING THE WORLD , BUT NO ONE THINKS OF CHANGING
HIMSELF .
– LEO TOLSTOY

10. I WILL NOT SAY I FAILED 1000 TIMES , I WILL SAY THAT I DISCOVERED
THERE ARE 1000 WAYS THAT CAN CAUSE FAILURE .
– THOMAS EDISON

11. BELIEVING EVERYBODY IS DANGEROUS; BELIEVING NOBODY IS VERY
DANGEROUS
– ABRAHAM LINCOLN
12. LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU
NEVER KNEW WHEN IT STOPS LOVING YOU …
– ABDUL KALAM

13. IF SOMEONE FEELS THAT THEY HAD NEVER MADE A MISTAKE IN THEIR
LI
FE,THEN IT MEANS THEY HAD NEVER TRIED A NEW THING IN THEIR LIFE – – –
– EINSTEIN


14. NEVER BREAK FOUR THINGS IN YOUR LIFE
TRUST ,PROMISE,RELATION,HEART BECAUSE WHEN THEY BREAK THEY DON’T
MAKE NOISE BUT PAINS A LOT
– CHARLES
15. IF YOU START JUDGING PEOPLE YOU WILL BE HAVING NO TIME TO LOVE THEM
– – – – – MOTHER THERESA