Ever wondered…

Have you ever wondered, why there no men in car advertisements ??? May be this will explain why… :))

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Jack n Jill – As reported by Our News Channels

Here’s how the Indian TV news channels would report the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.

Prashant – TV Anchor
Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.

Amrita Shah
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons – Jack and Jill – had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.

Prashant
Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?

Amrita
Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: hill breaks crown of pail-boy Jack]

Prashant
What news of Jack and Jill?

Amrita
Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water. We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was but it seems that Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with me, an eyewitness to the accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us what you saw.

Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: Boy and girl tumble down hill. Water spilled]

Amrita
Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?

Shahid Trivedi
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Amrita
And what happened next?

Shahid Trivedi
Jack fell down and broke his crown

Amrita
Go on.

Shahid Trivedi
And Jill came tumbling after.

Amrita
Prashant, there you have it. Two people innocently going about their business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio Prashant.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: Water errand ends in tragedy]

Prashant
I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekar Belagare from the Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: a hill; Jack; Jill; a pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?

Professor
Well that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down And broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after.

Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack’s fall was severe enough to break his crown then the surface of the hill must have been slippery or unstable. But I think we’re overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and – this is the key – Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps knocked Jill over as he slipped.

Superb Quotes !!

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called
“Saints”

But now they are called..

IT professionals

—————————————————————————-
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt:

If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off

—————————————————————————-
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present..

Its just that,
One loves too much,

and

The other loves too many,

—————————————————————————-
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

—————————————————————————-

Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

—————————————————————————-
What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new

and

Just few hours left for your exams..!

—————————————————————————-
Jus4Fun
Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

—————————————————————————-
Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says “To the only boy I ever loved.!

Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

—————————————————————————-
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: ” WE do have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: Its called the “door..!” 🙂

—————————————————————————-
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee…

….. Leave them to us

Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T)

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from
employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying
to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you
get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take
D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING
(E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t
have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can
apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Selecting New Employees

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks -Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them – Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks – Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order – Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other – Put them in construction.

If they are sleeping – Put them in reception

If they have broken the bricks into pieces – Put them in IT.

If they are sitting idle – Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved – Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day – Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window – Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved –

Congratulate them and put them in management !!!

CV Quotes


These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the July 21,1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.. Enjoy!!

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

8. “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

16. “My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

22. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”

23. “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

25. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

26. “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

The Ultimate Interview

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him “Do you love your wife?” so he replies”Yes I do, sir.” “Do you love your country?” asks the interviewer. “Yes I do, sir.”, interviewer continues, “What do you love more, your wife or your country?” he replies “My country, sir.” The interviewer looks at the man, “Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her.”

The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says “I can’t do it…”

The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says “What happened?!?!”, to which the guy replies, “The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to beat her to death with the chair!”