Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are like that, you know. 😉

PS: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely norecollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to OLD friends right away there will be fewer people laughing in the world.


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|                                                  |
| Life is touched…                         |
| When shared with someone like.. |
| Y thanks for                                |
| O being my                                 |
| U FRIEND !                                 |
|                                                   |
|                           Take care          |
|                                —RAJ          |
+—–ooo0————————————-+
( ) 0ooo
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Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life…

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life…

  • How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional  life……
  • How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks, but then why it gives less happiness…..
  • How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe, but then why there are less people to use them
  • How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger, but then why there is less hunger…..

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed…..

  • How a bike always in reserve changed to bike / car always on, but then why there are less places to go on……
  • How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day,  but then why it feels like the shop is far away…..
  • How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package, but then why there are less calls & more messages……

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed…..

  • How a general class journey changed to Flight journey, but then why there are less vacations for enjoyment….
  • How a old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop, but then why there is less time to put it on……….
  • How a small bunch of friends changed to office mates, but then why after 6’o Clock it always feel like  getting late….

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed….. 😦

An excuse for a Sick Leave

To all my friends who needs an excuse for a Sick Leave:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?”
I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.”
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?”

(You’re gonna love this…..)

She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark”

A Girl Can Change Ur GOAL…

A Girl Can Change Ur GOAl

BEST DAYS OF MY LiFe….!!!

1. On being Late:

“Kab shuru hui class?”

“Attendance ho gayi kya??”

“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”

“Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu……… bolna ……. kal kya padaya tha isne”

“Ek page de na………. abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse likhunga…….”

” koi subah kaise aa sakta hai……..”

“wo bhi iss class ke liye ”

2. During the lecture:

“Yesss!!!! Sirrr…….The answer is ….huuuummmmm…….aaaaaaaa………….”

“No sir…..I know the answer ……sir….”

“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”

“Abe lecture ko maar goli….. Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj……..”

“Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh”

“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya…….gadha…….”

“Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain ..”

“Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!”

3. Lab:

“Expt. 2 likha??”

“last time tu aaya the kya?””

“Karna kya hai??”

“Yeh bhai…..merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata……..”

“Areee tu to bura maan gaya …….chal dikha na…..bhau kyo kata hai….”

4. Sessionals Test:

“sessionals test???? ……Aree yaar…… ”

“Kya……. abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya hoga….”

“Oye Sushil kaha hai……uska roll number mere baad hai…….wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail….”

After test……

“yaar pada tha….recall nahi kar paya…….chhod na ……. Canteen chalega…” SAHI !!

5. For attendance

“I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya ”

“Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega……..”

“Bola tha proxy regularly maar…….. Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua…..”

6. Late submission of assignments:

” Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”

“Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya……..”

“They should allow XEROX……..sala system hi kharab hai ”

7 . After exam:

“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt…”

“kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya”

“1st mein 3 marks…..2nd mein 0…….3rd mein 2…….Gaya……….fail pakka…….”

“Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena……..wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar……”

8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga”

“Aeee…….Akash…..terese kya kya poocha….mood kaisa hai..”

“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya…….”

“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai”

9 . Submission:

“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”

“kaat kaat ke likh le…kaon padhta hai”

“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”

“Jai ho computer baba ki……jai ho Ctrl C – Ctrl V ki…….”

“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”

10 .Copying Assignments:

“Ye tune kya likha hai????”

(The best one)

“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal”

“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”

” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar.”

“Koi hint……..”

“Are baba ghaseet de……..na tu samjega na wo……..”

11. Exam:

“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh NAHI aata hai”  ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar….to ab kya poochenge”

“ye last time hi poochha thaa……is baar nahi aana chahiye”

“tere paas is ke notes hai??”

“Neend aa rahi mujhe to…thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka”

“woh chapter… mark weightage 6 marks… (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”

“nahi samjha to rat le” – PERFECT ONE

“Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai……..”

“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya………” I AGREE !! !!

This one is dedicated to all my friends:

“bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai.”

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns?

Here’s why Men dont write advice columns..

Dear Walter

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt .I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady.

I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Campbell

And Here’s Walters answer LOL 🙂

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter