Are you GAY ?? / “Am I Gay?” Self Examination For Men

Here is an different type of Cain Letter. Just look at the 8th point!! 😉

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat…”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be
framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Soy Latte”. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a fag.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker!! Send this out to all the pretty women out there so that they know how to tell if a guy is gay.

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Family History!!

A little girl asked her mother:

‘How did the human race appear?’

The mother answered,

‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.’

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,

‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’

The mother answered,

‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his !!!’

Non Sense Trivia

  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?   Hehe I liked this 🙂

  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
  • Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why does the Alphabet song (a b c d e f g…) and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on……
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow air in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  • Why is it that people say he “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

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Regards,

Cool Emails Team

::: MHO ::: Extra Marital affairs

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.

“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”

“You lying bastard!

You’ve been playing golf!”

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, “Not this time!”

The 3rd Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry,” she said, “stand in the corner.”

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh it’s a statue.” she replied. “The Smith’s bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.”

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

“Here,” he said to the statue, “have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith’s and nobody offered me a damned thing.”

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. “Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.”

“One Cent?” the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”

“A nickel,” the barman replied.

“A nickel?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The bartender replied, “Upstairs, with my wife.”

The man asked, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The bartender replied,

“The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, “I have something I must confess.”

“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.

“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”

“I know, I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”