Director of Corruptive Affairs
The Office of Non-Compliance
Re: Resignation Letter
As per our legal contract, it is in my duty to present to you a letter of resignation.
While working for the Office of Non-Compliance Association, I realized being punctual, never absent, well groomed, easy going, and just being a proficient employee holds no importance to you. I know this because in my first month, it was very evident when you called me in your office and recommend I wear “makeup” because I’m a woman. Well anyway, everyone in the office knows you secretly wear “makeup” among other things yourself. I hope for your sake your equally pretentious superficial wife doesn’t find out.
Also, I can honestly say I’m ecstatic about leaving this company. Watching you bounce and parade around the office pretending to know what you were doing was more nauseating than my stomach could bear. I have never worked anywhere before that made me check my mail everyday hoping for jury duty, or waking up every morning in hopes of finding pink eye or chicken pox in the mirror. Furthermore, we all know this company will be sold to new CEO’s this year. You will in fact be out of a job very shortly. Not only because of your political ties, but mainly because of your inadequacy and idiotic incompetence. Especially when you go in front of the monthly committee to answer simple questions you don’t seem to have the intellectual capacity to comprehend much less respond with.
I really pity you as a Director. You should have been paying more attention to your work statistics, weekly reports and your unethical staff. Instead you were busy instigating corruption in your office, as well as focusing on why I don’t want to wear makeup. Now, l really don’t expect you to give me a perverse recommendation when my future job inquiries call you. Also, don’t even make attempts on framing me up on any of your illegal on goings in the office out of spite. Just in case, I will have my attorney call you periodically to test you on your already failed integrity. Keep in mind it’s illegal if you do any of the above or threaten bodily harm. If you slip up, I can press charges or civilly sue you. However, being you won’t have any financial assets by then, due to that investigation that’s being held against you. You may resort to using that same “make-up” theory while you’re sitting in prison.
The best worker you would have ever had.