New Professional Management FUNDAS

Some of the modern day meanings of replies you might get from your management. Nice One ! Enjoy πŸ™‚

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will
talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually
fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help
you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you
where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything
about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

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PRICELESS WORDS (ITS AWESOME)

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!”

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what happened last
night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door”. Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!

Moral
Self-induced hangover – $ 400.00
Broken crockery – $ 800.00
Breakfast – $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – “PRICELESS

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can’t buy πŸ™‚

Funny sayings …

“U love someone
U marry someone else.

The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband

And the one u loved
becomes the password of ur mail id”

—————

There’s only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There’s only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.

—————

Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects…

—————

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney.

—————

Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

—————

What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?

Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and

Daru is like a wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

—————

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?

Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai.

—————

The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed
it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

Breaking News !!! Part 1

Hi… the other day I recieved two mails depicting the disgusting state of our News Channels and their style of reporting…

Check this out and do leave your comments.

breaking_news

April Fool ! Nice One…

I know i am late in posting this, but newayz … Enjoy πŸ˜‰

Force India F1 – 2008 Race Calendar

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Bottle of Wine.. A must read..

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, “So, you’re a man. That’s interesting. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you’re still at fault… women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.