Funny Commercials Part 2

Outrageously Funny Commercials

Hi, Came across this extremely funny video on You Tube. Enjoy~~

Swearing At Work

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course

of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It’s not my f____ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:

Read the rest of this entry »

Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T)

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from
employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying
to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you
get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take
D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING
(E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t
have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can
apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Six Phases of a Project

Mentioned below are 6 stages in a project life cycle.. How True!!

1) Enthusiasm

2) Disillusionment

3) Panic

4) Search for the guilty

5) Punishment of the innocent

6) Praise and honours for non-participants

Selecting New Employees

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks -Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them – Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks – Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order – Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other – Put them in construction.

If they are sleeping – Put them in reception

If they have broken the bricks into pieces – Put them in IT.

If they are sitting idle – Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved – Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day – Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window – Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved –

Congratulate them and put them in management !!!

California ‘UFO’ Pictures Create Online Buzz

Hi all.. Found an interesting article on Digg abt some UFO spotted in California..

Could the quiet seaside town of Capitola end up challenging Roswell, N.M., as the country’s capital for extraterrestrials? The city 90 minutes south of San Francisco is getting national attention after pictures of a strange flying object surface on the Web.

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