They Walk Among Us….

Millionaire Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

NEW YORK – Idaho  resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular  TV show, ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.’

It seems that Evans, a  32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and  proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing ‘the absolute worst use of  lifelines ever.’

1
After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira,  Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an  extremely easy $100 question. The question was: ‘Which of the following is the largest?’

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who  you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not  readily know the answer.

Hmm, oh boy, that’s a toughie,’ said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. ‘I mean, I’m sure  I’ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was  bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!‘ exclaimed Evans.. ‘Darn. I think I better phone a friend.

Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs.  Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office  assistant.

Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I’m on TV!‘ said Evans,  wasting the first seven seconds of her call. ‘Ok, I got an important question.  Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15  seconds hun.
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans  proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.

Come on Betsy, are you sure?‘ said Evans. ‘How sure are you? Duh, that can’t be  it.

To everyone’s astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend’s advice and pick ‘The Moon.

I just don’t know if I can trust Betsy. She’s not all that bright. So I think I’d like to ask the audience,‘  said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98%  in favor of answer C, ‘The Moon.’ Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then  made the dumbest choice of her life.

Wow, seems like everybody is against what I’m thinking,’ said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. ‘But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let’s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I’m going to have to go with B, an elephant.  Final answer.

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one  waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the  answer was in fact, C, ‘The Moon.

Caution…..they walk among us!
—————————————————————————-

This one is actually better! (No  comments needed!)

2
3

4
Caution…..they walk among us!
—————————————————————————-

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.‘ For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.  He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

*One  day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone  shouted….’Look at that dead bird!‘ Someone looked up at the sky and  said…’where?


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

While looking at a house, my brother  asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the north?‘ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with that  stuff


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving‘.


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

I was hanging out with a friend  when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My  friend said, ‘Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?‘ I  had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned…


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,‘ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?‘….
(I work with professionals like this.)


***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t  think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 :-)

Dear Tech Support team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
“A Troubled User”

———————————————————-
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install GoodLookingSecretary 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support …

PRICELESS WORDS (ITS AWESOME)

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!”

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what happened last
night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door”. Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!

Moral
Self-induced hangover – $ 400.00
Broken crockery – $ 800.00
Breakfast – $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – “PRICELESS

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can’t buy :-)

Funny sayings …

“U love someone
U marry someone else.

The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband

And the one u loved
becomes the password of ur mail id”

—————

There’s only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There’s only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.

—————

Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects…

—————

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney.

—————

Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

—————

What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?

Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and

Daru is like a wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

—————

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?

Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai.

—————

The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed
it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

Bottle of Wine.. A must read..

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, “So, you’re a man. That’s interesting. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you’re still at fault… women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Worth reading…

Another forwarded mail by Anish..

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her…………………… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21 reasons y FRIENDS are better than GirlFriend / BoyFriend

Seriously Guys, there is nothing better than being single.. i so miss it :-(  

read on to find why i think friends are better than your BF/GF .

1.You don’t have to call them every day, just to let them know you’re not fighting

2.You don’t have an anniversary-you just sort of “became” best friends.

3.When someone calls your girlfriend/boyfriend your “partner” it makes you think of marriage. When they call your best friend our partner, it’s more like cops.

4.You never have to touch your best friend when it’s hot outside, but you can still huddle close when it’s freezing.

5.Your parents usually like your best friend.

6.Your best friend doesn’t care if you get fat, you’re ugly, or if you get a ard haircut.

7.You don’t have to get jealous of “girls only” night or “guys only” night — You’re part of it!

8.You can laugh at your best friend with no consequences.

9.You can burp/fart in front of your best friend on any occasion.

10.You can plan on still having a relationship with your best friend in 20 years.

11.Never in your life will you need “space” from your best friend.

12.Your best friend won’t be mad if you want some time alone, and will only ask you “what’s wrong?” once.

13.Your best friend is someone you get in trouble with; your boyfriend/girlfriend is someone you get in trouble with if you get in trouble.

14.You don’t have to get dressed up to go anywhere with your best friend.

15.You’re allowed to have multiple best friends.

16.No one ever spreads rumors or talks about you and your best friend’s relationship.

17.Borrowing any amount of money from your best friend is okay, no questions asked.

18.Your best friend will never refer to you as “the ball and chain,” “the old lady/man,” or “the whip.”

19.No one is ever trying to fix you up on blind dates for a new best friend.

20.It doesn’t matter what your “other” friends think about your best friend.

21. Your best friend is the first person you call when you get a new boy friend / girl friend, and when you break up with them

Honest Answers

Wonder what will happen if we answer our Interviews this way?? Ne wayz Enjoy!!

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it’s just that you called me first.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation…

5. What is your biggest strength?
I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

Read the rest of this entry »