They Walk Among Us….

Millionaire Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

NEW YORK – Idaho  resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular  TV show, ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.’

It seems that Evans, a  32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and  proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing ‘the absolute worst use of  lifelines ever.’

After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira,  Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an  extremely easy $100 question. The question was: ‘Which of the following is the largest?’

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who  you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not  readily know the answer.

‘Hmm, oh boy, that’s a toughie,’ said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. ‘I mean, I’m sure  I’ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.‘

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was  bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

‘Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!‘ exclaimed Evans.. ‘Darn. I think I better phone a friend.‘

Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs.  Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office  assistant.

‘Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I’m on TV!‘ said Evans,  wasting the first seven seconds of her call. ‘Ok, I got an important question.  Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15  seconds hun.‘
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans  proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.

‘Come on Betsy, are you sure?‘ said Evans. ‘How sure are you? Duh, that can’t be  it.‘

To everyone’s astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend’s advice and pick ‘The Moon.‘

‘I just don’t know if I can trust Betsy. She’s not all that bright. So I think I’d like to ask the audience,‘  said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98%  in favor of answer C, ‘The Moon.’ Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then  made the dumbest choice of her life.

‘Wow, seems like everybody is against what I’m thinking,’ said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. ‘But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let’s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I’m going to have to go with B, an elephant.  Final answer.‘

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one  waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the  answer was in fact, C, ‘The Moon.‘

Caution…..they walk among us!
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This one is actually better! (No  comments needed!)

Caution…..they walk among us!
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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.‘ For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.  He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.‘

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
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*One  day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone  shouted….’Look at that dead bird!‘ Someone looked up at the sky and  said…’where?‘

***They walk amongst us!***
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While looking at a house, my brother  asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the north?‘ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with that  stuff‘

***They walk amongst us!***
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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving‘.

***They walk amongst us!***
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They walk amongst us!***
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I was hanging out with a friend  when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My  friend said, ‘Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?‘ I  had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned…

***They walk amongst us!***
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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,‘ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?‘….
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They walk amongst us!***
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While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t  think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

This is expected only from Indian Ladies…

They cannot miss their favorite T.V. Serial even if there is flood, storm, gale or earthquake!!!!

Look at the expression of worry on helpless Husband’s face near the door

This is an Incredible story! Please read through to the end

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from the University of Toronto .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Toronto Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legsand slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

.

.

.

.

Wondering WHY?? Its shocking!!! Read the enitire post…

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are like that, you know.

PS: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely norecollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to OLD friends right away there will be fewer people laughing in the world.

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( | (.) (.) | )
+——–o00o–(_)–o00o——

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|                                                  |
| Life is touched…                         |
| When shared with someone like.. |
| Y thanks for                                |
| O being my                                 |
| U FRIEND !                                 |
|                                                   |
|                           Take care          |
|                                —RAJ          |
+—–ooo0————————————-+
( ) 0ooo
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\_) ) /
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An excuse for a Sick Leave

To all my friends who needs an excuse for a Sick Leave:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?”
I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.”
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?”

(You’re gonna love this…..)

She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark”

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns?

Here’s why Men dont write advice columns..

Dear Walter

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt .I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady.

I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Campbell

And Here’s Walters answer LOL

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

If Inflation Doesn’t Stop Rising…

If Inflation Doesn’t Stop Rising…

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe)

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, ” Is this your computer ?” Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, ” No.“

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said “No, not at all !!“

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said ” Yes.“

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?“

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !“. So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral :

If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends , it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Four friends, have a good laugh

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.”

The second guy said, “Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third man said: “Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.”

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: “What are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ….What about your son?”

The fourth man replied: “My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends said: “What a shame…what a disappointment.”

The fourth man replied: “No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.  !!!!!!!

Rajnikant’s Trigonometry n Physics

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Some Intersting Info

01. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

02. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

03. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

04. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

05. A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

06. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

07. A snail can sleep for three years.

08. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

09. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

10.  Almonds are a member of the peach family.

11. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

12. Babies are born without kneecaps.

13. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

14. Butterflies taste with their feet.

15. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about Ten.

16. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “MT”.

17. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

18. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

19. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

20. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

21.It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

22. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

23. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

24. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

25.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

26.  Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

27. “Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop” with your right.

28. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

29. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of die! Sel that it burns.

30. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

31. The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the l! Azy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.

32. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

33. The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

34. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

35. There are more chickens than people in the world.

36. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

37. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”

38. There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

39. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

40. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

41. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

42. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

43. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself

Irish Jokes

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.

Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: ‘It is illegal to put 5 people
in a Quattro, Quattro means four’

‘Quattro is just the name of the automobile,’ the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. ‘Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons.”

You cannot pull that one on me,’ replies Paddy ‘Quattro means four. You
have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.

‘The Englishmen replies angrily, ‘You idiot ! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more
intelligence!’

‘Sorry,’ responds Paddy, ‘Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.’

******************************************
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show
off his new flat.

After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong
taking pride of place in the lounge.

‘What’s that big brass gong for?’ one of the guests asked

‘Why, that’s my Speaking Clock’ the man replied.

‘How does it work?’

‘I’ll show you’, the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with
an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, ‘For,
*****sake,
you *****, it’s twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!’

***********************************************************

A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to
get married.

He says, ‘Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 2 other female friends
in addition to my fiancé, and you try and guess which one I’m going to
marry’.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down
on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, ‘Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.’

She immediately replies, ‘The red-head in the middle.’

‘That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right, how did you know?’

‘I don’t like her.’

***********************************************************
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, ‘You are charged
with beating your wife to death with a spanner.’

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, ‘You b*stard!’

The judge continued, ‘You are also charged with beating your daughter to
death with a spanner.’

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, ‘You ****ing **
*stard!!!’

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and
said, ‘Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime,
but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge
you with contempt! Now what is the problem?’

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, ‘For fifteen years
I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to borrow a
*****ing spanner, he said he didn’t have one!’

***********************************************************

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in
his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.

After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for
another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, ‘Why
do you keep looking in your pocket?’

The man replies, ‘I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good
enough, I’ll go home.’

Are you GAY ?? / “Am I Gay?” Self Examination For Men

Here is an different type of Cain Letter. Just look at the 8th point!!

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat…”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be
framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Soy Latte”. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a fag.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker!! Send this out to all the pretty women out there so that they know how to tell if a guy is gay.

Non Sense Trivia

• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?   Hehe I liked this

• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

• Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

• Why does the Alphabet song (a b c d e f g…) and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on……

• Did you ever notice that when you blow air in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

• Why is it that people say he “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

• Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Cricket Se Aapko Kya Mila ??

Cricket frenzied nation India never thinks what are we getting out of following Cricket…….

Check out this sexy take out from Zapak.com in the form of this music video