Office exercises to avoid sleep !!!

To avoid sleep…

Follow like this to ease your neck & shoulder pain

Wa..wa.. aaa

Move to the right and then to the left

After that, move to the left and then to the right

Just follow. Don’t force yourself to do 360 degrees, 180 degreeswill do. Bend down a bit like you gonna faint. Repeat a few times till you’re bored

Grab anything on your desk and smash your head hard. If you are still sleepy smash harder

After that move your feet and swing your body a bit like this. Do it like
it’s nobody’s business and remember to smile

Move your feet and body just a bit like this…. Do it like there’s no problem at all…

And now more aggressive! Don’t bother about what others say

Let go of all your stress….

If your boss ask what you are doing, move your head slowly like this and tell them you’re dying in the office

When your boss walks off, get your colleague to join you and move your body like this. The more the merrier…

Finally, dance like a cat

If you are still sleepy despite all these, just grab your small pillow  and sleep under your desk (at your own risk)

They Walk Among Us….

Millionaire Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

NEW YORK – Idaho  resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular  TV show, ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.’

It seems that Evans, a  32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and  proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing ‘the absolute worst use of  lifelines ever.’

After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira,  Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an  extremely easy $100 question. The question was: ‘Which of the following is the largest?’

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who  you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not  readily know the answer.

‘Hmm, oh boy, that’s a toughie,’ said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. ‘I mean, I’m sure  I’ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.‘

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was  bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

‘Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!‘ exclaimed Evans.. ‘Darn. I think I better phone a friend.‘

Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs.  Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office  assistant.

‘Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I’m on TV!‘ said Evans,  wasting the first seven seconds of her call. ‘Ok, I got an important question.  Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15  seconds hun.‘
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans  proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.

‘Come on Betsy, are you sure?‘ said Evans. ‘How sure are you? Duh, that can’t be  it.‘

To everyone’s astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend’s advice and pick ‘The Moon.‘

‘I just don’t know if I can trust Betsy. She’s not all that bright. So I think I’d like to ask the audience,‘  said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98%  in favor of answer C, ‘The Moon.’ Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then  made the dumbest choice of her life.

‘Wow, seems like everybody is against what I’m thinking,’ said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. ‘But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let’s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I’m going to have to go with B, an elephant.  Final answer.‘

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one  waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the  answer was in fact, C, ‘The Moon.‘

Caution…..they walk among us!
—————————————————————————-

This one is actually better! (No  comments needed!)

Caution…..they walk among us!
—————————————————————————-
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.‘ For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.  He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.‘

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

*One  day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone  shouted….’Look at that dead bird!‘ Someone looked up at the sky and  said…’where?‘

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

While looking at a house, my brother  asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the north?‘ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with that  stuff‘

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving‘.

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

I was hanging out with a friend  when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My  friend said, ‘Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?‘ I  had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned…

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,‘ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?‘….
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They walk amongst us!***
—————————————————————————–

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t  think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

This is expected only from Indian Ladies…

They cannot miss their favorite T.V. Serial even if there is flood, storm, gale or earthquake!!!!

Look at the expression of worry on helpless Husband’s face near the door

This is an Incredible story! Please read through to the end

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from the University of Toronto .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Toronto Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legsand slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

.

.

.

.

Wondering WHY?? Its shocking!!! Read the enitire post…

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are like that, you know.

PS: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely norecollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to OLD friends right away there will be fewer people laughing in the world.

–
\\\///
/ \
| \\ // |
( | (.) (.) | )
+——–o00o–(_)–o00o——

————+
|                                                  |
| Life is touched…                         |
| When shared with someone like.. |
| Y thanks for                                |
| O being my                                 |
| U FRIEND !                                 |
|                                                   |
|                           Take care          |
|                                —RAJ          |
+—–ooo0————————————-+
( ) 0ooo
\ ( ( )
\_) ) /
(_/

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life…

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life…

• How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional  life……
• How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks, but then why it gives less happiness…..
• How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe, but then why there are less people to use them
• How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger, but then why there is less hunger…..

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed…..

• How a bike always in reserve changed to bike / car always on, but then why there are less places to go on……
• How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day,  but then why it feels like the shop is far away…..
• How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package, but then why there are less calls & more messages……

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed…..

• How a general class journey changed to Flight journey, but then why there are less vacations for enjoyment….
• How a old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop, but then why there is less time to put it on……….
• How a small bunch of friends changed to office mates, but then why after 6′o Clock it always feel like  getting late….

Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life… How it changed…..

An excuse for a Sick Leave

To all my friends who needs an excuse for a Sick Leave:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?”
I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.”
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?”

(You’re gonna love this…..)

She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark”

A Girl Can Change Ur GOAL…

BEST DAYS OF MY LiFe….!!!

1. On being Late:

“Kab shuru hui class?”

“Attendance ho gayi kya??”

“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”

“Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu……… bolna ……. kal kya padaya tha isne”

“Ek page de na………. abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse likhunga…….”

” koi subah kaise aa sakta hai……..”

“wo bhi iss class ke liye “

2. During the lecture:

“Yesss!!!! Sirrr…….The answer is ….huuuummmmm…….aaaaaaaa………….”

“No sir…..I know the answer ……sir….”

“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”

“Abe lecture ko maar goli….. Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj……..”

“Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh”

“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya…….gadha…….”

“Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain ..”

“Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!”

3. Lab:

“Expt. 2 likha??”

“last time tu aaya the kya?”"

“Karna kya hai??”

“Yeh bhai…..merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata……..”

“Areee tu to bura maan gaya …….chal dikha na…..bhau kyo kata hai….”

4. Sessionals Test:

“sessionals test???? ……Aree yaar…… “

“Kya……. abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya hoga….”

“Oye Sushil kaha hai……uska roll number mere baad hai…….wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail….”

After test……

“yaar pada tha….recall nahi kar paya…….chhod na ……. Canteen chalega…” SAHI !!

5. For attendance

“I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya “

“Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega……..”

“Bola tha proxy regularly maar…….. Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua…..”

6. Late submission of assignments:

” Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”

“Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya……..”

“They should allow XEROX……..sala system hi kharab hai “

7 . After exam:

“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt…”

“kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya”

“1st mein 3 marks…..2nd mein 0…….3rd mein 2…….Gaya……….fail pakka…….”

“Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena……..wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar……”

8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga”

“Aeee…….Akash…..terese kya kya poocha….mood kaisa hai..”

“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya…….”

“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai”

9 . Submission:

“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”

“kaat kaat ke likh le…kaon padhta hai”

“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”

“Jai ho computer baba ki……jai ho Ctrl C – Ctrl V ki…….”

“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”

10 .Copying Assignments:

“Ye tune kya likha hai????”

(The best one)

“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal”

“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”

” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar.”

“Koi hint……..”

“Are baba ghaseet de……..na tu samjega na wo……..”

11. Exam:

“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh NAHI aata hai”  ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar….to ab kya poochenge”

“ye last time hi poochha thaa……is baar nahi aana chahiye”

“tere paas is ke notes hai??”

“Neend aa rahi mujhe to…thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka”

“woh chapter… mark weightage 6 marks… (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”

“nahi samjha to rat le” – PERFECT ONE

“Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai……..”

“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya………” I AGREE !! !!

This one is dedicated to all my friends:

“bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai.”

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns?

Here’s why Men dont write advice columns..

Dear Walter

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt .I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady.

I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Campbell

And Here’s Walters answer LOL

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

THAT MAKES SENSE———————

1.  If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2.  Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it.

3.  Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside
. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4.  Don’t walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don’t care who rules the world!
That’s called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5.  Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6.  He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7.  A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He’s now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8.  So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9.  Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10.  All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11.  Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru

We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi

Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

12.  When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

13.  10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Intresting….

THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN BY AN AFRICAN CHILD,, N WAS NOMINATED FOR BEST POEM OF 2005

When i born,i blackWhen i grow up,i black

When i go in sun,.i black

When i scared, i black

When i sick,i black

n when i die i am still black!!!!

AND U DA WHITE FELLA

When u born,u pink

When u grow up,u white

When u go in sun,u red

when u cold,u blue

When u scared,u yellow

When u sick,u green

AND when u die,u gray……

And u call me COLORED?????

EVEN GOD HAS SENSE OF HUMOUR…………….!!!

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates

“Look everything should be in balance.For example, after every 10 deers there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension….

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests…

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.”

One of the angels asked…

“God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?“

God replied…….

“Ahah…that is the crown piece of all…  INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly People. Sparkling streams and serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold…..“

The angel was quite surprised:
“But god you said everything should be in balance.”

God replied –

“Look at the neighbours I gave them.”

History of Microsoft Operating Systems

Windows 1.0

Windows 2.0

Windows 3.0

Windows 3.11

Windows 3.11 NT

Windows 95

Windows 98

Windows 2000

Windows ME

Windows XP

Windows VISTA

Windows 7

If Inflation Doesn’t Stop Rising…

If Inflation Doesn’t Stop Rising…